This Salad Tastes Like I'd Rather Be Fat

Before moving here and even during my first year (2012) I tried a lot of the fad diets but always failed… my “favorite” is always during the first year when my roommate/Big Mandy and I tried this 3-day military diet plan-we found out that you could lose 10 pounds in three days without “strenuous” exercise or prescriptions… umm hello, sign me up, right!?! The goal of the diet is to boost metabolism and burn fat. We put it in our minds, and this is what our food intake looked like:

Day 1

Breakfast: 
½ grapefruit
1 slice of toast
2 tablespoons of peanut butter
Coffee or tea (any brew, as long as it’s caffeinated)

This was manageable to me.. I’m not a big breakfast eater but I still got coffee! After that, you just drink A LOT of water. I hate grapefruit so I plugged my nose and ate it and was not happy about it. Whatevz.. 10 pounds was on my mind.

Lunch:

½ cup of tuna
1 slice of toast
Coffee or tea

Okay I was starving and thought I was going to choke on dry bread and tuna. Again, 10 pounds! I got this!

Dinner:

3 ounces of meat (any)
1 cup of green beans
½ banana
1 small apple
1 cup vanilla ice cream

I raced home from work to eat this salad plate sized meal and I ate it in about 5 minutes…not even sure if I chewed it. I wanted to go to bed immediately afterwards so I could eat again the next day. I chugged water instead.

Day 2:

Breakfast-

1 egg

1 slice of toast

½ banana
*again, commence the choking of trying to swallow a dry egg and slice of toast.

Lunch-

1 cup of cottage cheese (or 1 slice cheddar cheese)
1 hardboiled egg
5 saltine crackers

I’m feeling slightly “hangry” (hungry + angry) today. I hate cottage cheese so opt for the cheddar. I cut my egg into small pieces to trick myself to think I had a bigger meal than it appeared… it didn’t help. Still hangry.

Dinner-

2 hot dogs (no buns)
1 cup broccoli
½ cup carrots
½ banana
1 cup vanilla ice cream

Rejoice! Not 1, but 2 hot dogs AND vanilla ice cream! I am not ashamed to admit that this was the highlight of my day.

Day 3-

Breakfast-
5 saltine crackers
1 slice cheddar cheese
1 small apple

My day is starting off with 5 saltine crackers and cheddar cheese… I can tell it is not going to be a good day. I am going to be a full on grump today.

Lunch-

1 hardboiled egg
1 slice toast

…I have no words. I drop my kids off at lunch and go to my lunchbox. As I see this hardboiled egg and slice of toast in my lunchbox I believe that I have a moment of insanity. I was beyond Hangry and I am ashamed to admit that my poor students experienced another side of me this day. I am having 2^nd thoughts about this diet and am beginning to think I would rather just keep the 10 pounds. I was a nightmare the rest of the afternoon.

Dinner**-
1 cup of tuna
½ banana
1 cup vanilla ice cream

**Amber did not make it to day 3 dinner. In the end, she came home in a rage and ate everything in the fridge (seriously). She lost 4 pounds and went to bed happier than she had been in 3 days.  The end.

I did not exercise during this 3 days because I did not have enough energy and wanted to keep all my calories to myself. WORST DIET EVER.